How can we Deal with Difficult Times

We all know that feeling when we need to deal with difficult times. Right now, we are all somehow affected by the coronavirus situation. Maybe we know of someone who is sick, or our own health is affected. Maybe it is the financial implication that worries us, or the way we feel about how the authorities are handling this particular crisis. We are clearly dealing with difficult times, as individuals, and as a community. A big part of this situation is obviously not in our control, however the way we relate to it, and the way we take care of our own life and the lives of those around us, is in our hands.

No doubt we have all dealt with countless challenges and stressful moments throughout our lives. Some of those events continue to affects us to this day. Some of the key questions we are all facing right now, is how to handle these current times; how to get through them in the best way possible so they won’t become a burden for us later; and how to continue with our projects and our passions, all the while taking care of our health. How do we make sure that these difficult times don’t transform into the traumas we’ll carry into our future?

At times like this, it is important for us to stay informed and act in a responsible way. It is important, for instance, that we boost our immune system, as well as do our best to keep a high level of personal hygiene. But beside all of the practical factors, we need to take care of how we deal with difficult times emotionally . 

We should remember to turn to all the practices we have learned – from breathing to meditation, sport to eating well. Turn to the activities we like doing, and to the practices that can help us connect to our inner peace. We need to remember the support systems we have built-up over the years: our friends and family.

The way we feel about it, makes a difference

How important it is to remember that even if we have to deal with difficult times, it is colored by how we perceive them, and how we feel about them. We cannot change the situation, but we might be able to do something about how we feel. First, let’s just acknowledge our feelings and embrace them, give them space, allow them to be, and at the same time breathe, and remember that these are not the only feelings we are experiencing.

Emotions need their space, whether we like them or not. Take a moment and let yourself feel the worry, the fear, the anger, the frustration. Just feel them. You can also write about them, talk about them, shout about them. Regardless of how you express them, give them space. Emotions tend to transform themselves when we allow them to be felt.

Let yourself feel whatever it is you are feeling, but at the same time, realize the sky, and the green leaves that have started to appear on some branches that were bare before; and open yourself to perceive the love in the voice of a friend.

Remembering how we deal with other crises in life

I find it helpful to think about other moments in which people I knew or worked with, had to deal with difficult times for very different reasons, and over different periods of time. I remember one of the people to whom I gave sessions. I remember him coming to one of his Pantarei sessions in our process, with a face that looked pale and grey to me. I was used to seeing him in a good mood with a natural, inner motivation. But on that day, he looked as if he was carrying a heavy burden on his shoulders. At the beginning of our session he only talked about his physical pain. Then he told me about his son. He felt like his life had lost it’s color.  “I am not so good at knowing how to deal with difficult times”, he almost apologized to me.

One of the things I assume that he saw in my eyes, and which must have given him a great feeling of relief is that I didn’t argue with his feelings. I also didn’t forget who he was. I remembered the positive person he usually was, and by me remembering it, he could remember it as well. He told me about the life-threatening illness that was affecting his son’s heart and the options that he had. He told me about the decisions he needed to take. He told me how he wished to have more time to spend with his son, and his plan to one day travel together – just the two of them.

We decided to simply let these feelings have some space: not fighting the helplessness, not telling the sadness to go away, not hating the uncertainty. My hands touched the sides of his diaphragm, while I guided him to breathe, and just accept what he felt. Then my hands touched his neck and his forehead, and I felt how his body started to relax. The voice that came out of him when he cried surprised us both. “The last time I cried was at my father’s funeral, fifteen years ago”, he said, partially to me and partially to himself.

He also told me about his father, in a different way than what he had told me before. I heard about the love and appreciation he had for his father, when he told me how hard his dad had worked all his life. I heard about his father’s inability to express his emotions, and yet how clear his love for his family was.

I felt as if I was holding his heart in my hands and through that, I felt my own heart and my love. I felt as if I knew his father, and his son even though we had never met. At the end of the session, there was no need for many words. His eyes and the softness they expressed said so much. He was still scared and sad, but he was also happy and full of love and appreciation for the gifts he received from life. The helplessness didn’t feel so endless and he felt that he had gained some more clarity about the next steps he had to take.

To remember what is truly important to us

In these troubled times, we are forced to slow down, to remember what is truly important to us, and to connect to the core of our heart. We should not push the difficult feelings away, rather, let other feelings be there as well. Remember the people you love, and connect to the projects you are excited about. Call someone, share what you feel with them, hear their voice and let them hear yours. Let those feeling connect between people rather than create further seperation and isolation.

What are the things that you find important to remember during these moments in which so many of us feel worried and have to deal with difficult times?

By Vered