How Can Grieving Help You Through The Pandemic?
Grief is a strong emotion that accompanies loss. Because it is a reflection of what we love, it can feel all-encompassing. Grief is not limited to the loss of people. We can experience grief if we lose our job, end a relationship, or experience any other changes that alter our life as we know it.
Right now we are facing a collective change. Due to the effects of the Covid-19 Pandemic, we are all being affected. The world is struggling to get a virus under control, that seems to have entered into our homes and lives. With the rising infection rates in Germany and many other countries in Europe, and around the globe, it seems that there is no end in sight. When will we be able to resume our normal ways of life? Will we be able to get back at all? What can you recommend for coping with grief? These are questions asked by many.
The more and less obvious
There are all the individual losses during this period, from the death of a loved one to losing our livelihood, to the separation of friends and family members. These are the more obvious losses and the reasons for grieving are clear. However, there is another loss that we are all facing as a collective. We are being confronted with the loss of our life as we knew it. Our daily routines, our basic structures, and frameworks have been disrupted. Our life course was altered without our consent and life as we knew it might never be the same again. Are you aware that you are grieving this loss as well?
Facing this situation leaves many of us in emotional turmoil. We feel anger towards the authorities for making seemingly illogical choices. We might feel the desperation of not seeing our loved ones again. Many sense the fear of losing their financial means. There is the helplessness of not being able to do something about the situation. Then there is tiredness that comes from holding ourselves up for so long. There is the depression that many feel with regards to our future in general and a resignation that it will not get any better. There is a whole truckload of emotions that can seem to roll over us with every new regulation, every lock-down, and every piece of new information that we receive.
Permission to feel your loss
Could it be that we are all grieving in our own unique way? What would happen if we realized that all this emotional tumult is part of our grieving process? For one, it could allow us to adjust more easily; to struggle less, and in some cases, even to gain strength from this period. Even so, when there is no perfect formula or exact model for how to behave, or start coping with grief, there is one step that will start the healing process: Giving ourselves permission to feel the loss.
How can you embrace your grief and give it the time and respect it deserves? When yesterday’s news about the mild lock-down in Germany came out, my first impulse was to read everything I could find on the regulations. I wanted to get an idea of whether we can continue to teach our classes in the Pantarei training face-to-face. In a matter of seconds, my truckload of emotions went from anger and frustration at not having the information at hand, to anger. I found myself cursing all the decisions that do not seem to make any sense. Then I started feeling nervous, irritated… and all of that all over again. Soon, I was not even able to read the information on my screen anymore, due to all that was going on inside me.
Take a breath
Once I noticed that I leaned back in my chair, took a deep breath, and actually gave some space to all of those emotions. I started to be curious as to where they wished to lead me. And I stopped trying to fight them off. With the next big intake of air, I asked myself what I was so angry about. What is it that made me so nervous? What was I afraid of losing?
Giving space to your emotions
In this case, the answer was simple. I was afraid that we cannot teach. The thing I love doing most, had to be postponed once again. After some time, I gave space to the sweet pain that came with the prospect of not seeing the next class. And of not teaching. Giving space for that puts all the other emotions that were rolling over me, into proportion. Feeling what I was actually grieving for at that moment allowed me to find myself and my abilities to be, again.
It might seem rather odd, but to allow the pain of loss, to allow ourselves to feel what we are grieving for, no matter how difficult it might seem, will help us find the way back to ourselves. It will allow our grief to act as a catalyst for a new sense of meaning to unfold. And in it, we will find a sense of purpose and a direction for the situation we are in, as well as for life.
Coping with grief in the everyday
We are not used to grieving anymore. And we often don’t even know how to start coping with grief. Especially when it comes to the death of a loved one. The grief can seem overwhelming because of the pain that accompanies the loss. It makes it hard to embrace those emotions. In the past, those times of passage and transition would be celebrated with rituals. They were framed in traditions and structures that we nowadays lack, but desperately need, in order to be able to embrace our grief in these modern times. To recognize our grief and to give it the time and respect in the “small” everyday situations in life, can prepare us to be able to deal with it better when death comes knocking.
Yesterday evening, I did not continue checking the regulations. I went for a walk and allowed myself to feel the class that I might not teach. I gave space to what I love. And I let the situation evolve, letting my love lead the way. And the decision-making was left for the coming day.
Grief can show us what we love
Grief not only shows us what we have lost but also what we love. And being able to connect to what we love might be the greatest source of comfort and strength that we can access.
In some situations, it might help you just to ask the questions: “What are you grieving for? What are you afraid of losing?”, to identify and embrace those emotions and find your way through the challenges.
Sharing your loss
Sometimes you may need the help of a friend to do this. Sharing what we miss, listening to others, and acknowledging our grief together ,can bring us closer, even if we are in self-isolation. Our hearts can open and listen to others with compassion. And when we notice that there is grief lying behind all of our expressed emotions, we can connect to our heart, to our strength, and the world around us. This is coping with grief.
Join us. We are in this together
In our next free online “Get in Touch Training” on the 10th of November, we will address the topic of grief. I warmly invite you to join us, to embrace your grief in a way in which it can strengthen you. And connect you to what you love. To join, please register through this LINK.
And if you prefer a more private setting, you can always reach out to one of our many practitioners of a one-to-to session, either online or in person. You can find a practitioner in your area through this LINK.
It is possible that this collective grief and the ability to connect through it, will change the world. We hope that it will give us more compassion, more heart, more options to heal together. After all, we are all in this together. It is not an: “us versus the world out there”. We are the world. And we better start taking good care of it. Grieving allows us to be aware of what we do not wish to lose, of what we love, and of what is most precious to us.
