Friendship’s greatest gift: valuing each other’s uniqueness

“The best kind of people are the ones that come into your life and make you see the sun where you once saw clouds. The people that believe in you so much, you start to believe in you too. The people that love you simply for being you. The once-in-a-lifetime kind of people.
–  Kate Lattey

Being a friend to others is one of the best, most rewardable, and free gifts we can give each other. You probably know the impact it has on your life when you engage with people who care about you, love you, and hold space for you no matter what. People who remind you of your abilities, your core nature, and life intentions, even at times when you don’t feel connected to your own strengths.

The beauty in recognizing individuality

When the Pantarei Approach was first established, and the concept of uniqueness became a core principle, it transformed my way of looking at people in my life. I became more aware of what I was grateful for in my friendships. Allowing my curiosity to perceive and acknowledge what was unique about my friends took me to perceive them beyond the scope of our friendship. I got curious about how they think, act, and feel. I got interested in their journey in life, what they like and dislike, what bores them, and what motivates them.

When I started expressing what I perceived to my friends, I was astonished to realize how many people don’t recognize their own uniqueness. I became aware of the most invaluable gift we can all give each other. No matter how rich or poor, how busy or available; one of the ways we can express our love to others is by expressing these simple truths: I see you. I am curious about you. I love you.

Dancing in front of nobody

A week ago, a good friend, Rachel, visited me. We were cooking and chatting while the TV was playing in the background. Suddenly a favorite singer of ours came on, and we both turned our full attention to the screen.

Rachel had a wooden spoon in her hand, and she started singing, using the spoon like a microphone. Without much thinking, I joined her. We performed for nobody besides for our own happiness. When the song was over and, with it, the private show we had created, we started laughing like two little girls without a worry in the world. We didn’t need to speak to acknowledge that what we had shared was a one-of-a-kind experience, not likely to ever be repeated. We also knew that we had seen a layer of each other we don’t often express, at least not that way.

Acknowledging a person’s unique blend

When I met Rachel a few days later, I told her that her ability to create comfort and safety while letting herself be so passionate and exposed is something I appreciated so much. I told her how special it was to know that I could do and be anything with her, and she would never judge me.

I also related to her profession and told her that, in my opinion, part of what made her such an excellent doctor was that people felt safe next to her. “Your patients don’t dance in front of the TV with you,” I said with a smile, “but I’m sure they feel they can tell you the most private of things, and you will listen to them with a professional and heartfelt ear.”

Rachel was quiet for a few minutes. She then told me that she would never think that her ability to enjoy those simple moments contributed to her profession. To many, Rachel is a serious person who learns hard and sets high bars for herself. Yet after reflecting for a while longer, she mentioned how some of her patients and their families said she made their hearts feel lighter, even when discussing topics that are not the most optimistic. We continued discussing how our traits can express themselves differently according to the situation.

The obvious unseen

Any Pantarei Approach session is based on spotlighting a client’s uniqueness – their abilities, qualities, one-of-a-kind journey, and how they think or act. A Pantarei Approach practitioner supports their clients in exploring how they can use their set of unique colors in their everyday lives.

The simplest truth is that nobody has better answers to life’s challenges than the person who is facing them. In a way, life constantly supplies us with situations to get to know more about our abilities, intentions, and values.

In my previous post, I gave more examples of how focusing on our uniqueness can create a path toward a healthier society. How focusing on what I call recourses doesn’t mean denying the difficulties. And how embracing each other’s complexity opens up more pathways to growth, change, transformation, and connection.

Try this out:

ONE: Think about a friend you want to gift. You might even challenge yourself and think of someone with whom your relationship is not necessarily the easiest.

TWO: What do you appreciate about your friend? Describe their qualities, traits, talents, and strengths. Think about specific moments that connect to what you described.

THREE: Describe how your friend’s uniqueness has impacted your friendship. Write down how this uniqueness is being expressed in your friend’s life.

FOUR: If you are comfortable doing so, share your thoughts with your friend/s and develop a conversation around them.

The gifts of appreciation

Our generosity in seeing others’ uniqueness can act as our way of saying- I see you. I am curious about you. I love you. When you adopt the concept of uniqueness into your life, you feel how it contributes to your own growth and that of others.

If you are in Berlin this Saturday, you are invited to join Merav Gur Arie in her workshop, where you can explore the concept of uniqueness. You are also welcome to join me in my online meeting, where I’ll share more about the Pantarei Approach training program. Both activities are free of charge, and we will be happy to see you there in celebration of uniqueness.

Written by Vered Manasse, Co-Founder of the Pantarei Approach