The Physical and Emotional Effect of Empathic Communication
A few years ago, I received a session from a very talented therapist who practiced a somatic method. It was one of the most difficult periods of my life, dealing with many challenging dilemmas on almost every level and my body screamed out for help. The thing I needed most was an empathic interaction – somebody to treat my body as well as my soul. The therapist was recommended by a dear friend and I had to book a session with her a long time in advance.
She came to my home for the session and I was excited – as if it was the first time somebody had ever been there to support me. The session with her was the highlight of my week and I prepared the things she might have needed in advance – the right light, the right room temperature, my own working table, a blanket I liked to be covered with. I really wanted this session to support the process I was working through at the time with myself and my new direction.
Finding Our Own Truth in Uneasy Times
My life at the time was challenging and the biggest challenge of all was to find my own truth, in all that was going on around me. To trust my own heart, to find that clear voice in me that led me throughout my entire life. I knew that I could benefit so much from the combination of touch and clarity – a combination that I myself had taught many others throughout my career. I was aware that if I was to connect to my own inner wisdom, I would be able to act more clearly and make decisions, as the answers to all my dilemmas were within me. But I needed support to trust the path I was meant to take, whilst overcoming obstacles in my life.
Her hands worked magic, I felt the protective layers start melting away, how the muscles agreed to let go, how my mind started to slow down and find the space and silence I needed. At a certain point, she asked me if I wanted to hear what she felt under her hands. “Of course”, I said. This is what I wanted – a combination of clarity and experience, to help me move past all the things I had encountered. I was curious and interested to hear what she had to say.
Listening is Part of a Personal Development Process
She talked to me about the tension, the protection and the feeling she had that I needed to learn to trust more. I tried to explain to her what was going on in my life and that the protection she felt was a temporary thing. That I needed to hold myself together, that this is not who I am, but what I am going through. I was surprised that she didn’t seem to be interested, or to want to ask me any further questions. She wasn’t curious about my life and showed no empathy towards my experience. I felt the muscles she had so skillfully opened up in my back start to tighten again. I forced myself to continue to make the best of the session while answering her and in the same time took some deep breaths in.
I felt like a girl that had failed in a test – a girl that was supposed to present with relaxed muscles, a clear mind, and stay in deep meditative silence – things that were all totally elusive to me at the time. If she had truly tried to communicate with me, she would have heard my story, what I was going through at that time, the depth of my personal struggle, the responsibility I felt for so many people in my life and the dilemmas I was experiencing around the complex decisions I had to make. She could have become an important force in my process. Instead, she became for me another example of what I would never want to do with my clients or teach to my students.
Empathy is a Powerful Navigator
I believe that empathy creates a great source of connection between people and can create a huge difference in the outcome of our actions. Clients can be connected and engaged in sessions on more than just the physical level. Relaxed muscles can be affected also through our mental or emotional action and are not only a result of a physical action. When we feel understood, seen and cared for, our muscles can relax again. A client can be touched accurately in sessions with the practitioner’s hands just as they are being touched by empathic verbal exchange, so a significant impact can be achieved in different levels of their life. Trust is an essential resource to allow us to move forward in the world, interact with others and engage with our surroundings and activities in empathic and powerful ways.
Respect for the person we work with and the struggles they go through, is an essential part of bodywork therapy, when working with clients. The ability to see the struggles our client goes through and let them know we respect their willpower, their difficulties and their individual circumstances, can create a world of difference in the success of any learning process. To be empathic and let love and connection lead our way, is crucial in our ability to positively communicate and affect our clients in life changing ways.
When the right words are used, along with the simple sensation of skilled touch – so much can happen, so many points can be connected, and a clearer map of our life can be created, to help us better navigate towards our goals.