Communicating with the Unique Reality of each Client’s Experience
My work as a Pantarei practitioner is grounded in the communication that I have with my clients. The deeper and more trustful the communicating is between us, the more effective the session will be.
The communication is as much about our bodies and experiences, as it is about what is said and cognitively understood in our session. Both the client and myself are tuned in, to listen not only with our ears, but also to feel through our bodies the experience that is happening in the moment. A significant part of the communication between us, is listening to what the body is ‘telling’ us and ‘talking’ with it, through touch.
My role is to listen to all that the person is, acknowledging their abilities and potential, seeing the life experiences that have influenced their life, but also truly respecting who that client is in the moment, listening to what they need from me now and deciding how I can assist them to be empowered in the best way. I want to start with a story of miscommunication that happened despite my best intentions and the best conditions.
The balance between insecurity and confidence is fragile
A young woman came to me for a set of sessions, who had been a client of mine a few years previously. She has been coming to me for sessions in different periods of her life, to recalibrate and reconnect with her confidence and power. She found sessions helped when she was facing difficulties or she had a professional challenge and wanted to be prepared for it. Over our work together, we established a relationship of trust and respect between us and needless to say, I appreciate her a lot.
This particular time, she came because she was facing a new situation at work and felt less confident and creative about it than she would have liked – she wanted to be at her best. Through the work we did and the communication we had, it became evident that it was her past experiences that were impacting on her confidence. It was clear to both of us that her judgement of herself was strongly based on that and not directly on what was happening in the moment.
Aiming to strengthen her, I tried to show her what I see in her; her intelligence and dedication to her vision, her sensitivity and awareness to her surroundings and how all of this contributes to making her a talented professional. Sounds good, you might think, but actually, I had fallen into a trap that others had probably fallen into as well.
I tried to convince her of something that, although maybe she could understand it, she couldn’t really identify with it in that moment. This just made her more and more frustrated and increased her feeling of being misunderstood. We went with it and worked with the frustration, but we both had in mind that by the end of the session, she had to be happy and strong – that was why she was there after all.
Taking a moment and tuning into her body again, I could feel the mistake. I could feel that she wasn’t gaining energy from what I was saying, but getting more entangled with her own (and my) expectations. I could feel her body’s desire to relax, to not be forced and even to not be encouraged to be so great and successful. Listening to her in that moment meant I was able to shift my approach and let her be exactly as she was, with her insecurity and sadness. By allowing things to just be quiet and let her body relax and slow down; working and touching to support her body in the direction she needed, I could feel that her inner conflict dissolved and her energy became unified. She relaxed and rested into a state where her natural curiosity and great love for what she does could lead and to heal the insecurity, allowing her to move forward.
Listening is often more important that what we have to say
This experience showed me once again the power of listening. When someone just listens and sees us and give us the time and space to be exactly as we are without trying to change ourselves, we can open up. We feel understood and less lonely. The pressure that we often put ourselves under is reduced and our body and soul can find their natural way back to each other – we regain confidence and start to heal.
For me as a practitioner, it means that sometimes I have to hold back what I want to say, respecting where the person is in the moment and listening to what he or she really needs. What I see, though it might be extremely accurate, may be more effective at another time. What I mean here is that even if what I say is right – if the person can’t receive and perceive it, it is meaningless.
Trust the process
Trusting the person can feel whatever they feel right now and yet their power is still available to them and they can re-own it, is what truly empowers them. I want to be a mirror that reflects for a person the larger and hopefully more accurate picture of who they are, seeing not only the current struggle but also the strength, qualities and achievements. In certain moments when the person is open to receiving it, describing what I see, can be very meaningful and powerful.
But the greater part of my work as a practitioner is to follow them in the moment and support them, while they discover this magnificent picture themselves and feel it from within.
