There Was Once Again Love
Many of us simply go through the motions of our life, as if only the pilot light is on. It is only when we decide to be clear about what it is we love and to do something about it that our desire to live a passionate life is ignited. It is when we have a reason, a purpose for our love, when we create ideas that can be appreciated, where we feel connected and want to make the world a better place.
The man in front of me was 50 years old. His body communicated pain and his eyes asked for help. He had been diagnosed with an illness that caused pain throughout his body and every day was a struggle for him – every breath was a challenge. He told me about the great support he had been receiving from his doctor, the hospital, his physiotherapist. He compared himself to others with his same condition and expressed pride that he had succeeded to have a life throughout the process of managing his illness.
I complimented him for that and tried to reassure him how important it is to find the right support and to follow their guidance through his healing process – or at least in his struggle to live his life with the least pain possible. I said that I didn’t know if I had anything more to offer him, than what he was getting from the experts he was already working with.
He continued to sit in front of me, waiting. His patience and trust in me gave a clear message and his kind eyes told me to continue talking. He had received sessions from me years before and his body was craving something he believed only I could give. So I continued to ask him questions, like a person walking in the darkness looking for some light, some hint of the path I should take.
I asked him about his childhood – a story of violence that wasn’t easy to listen to and surely was not easy one for him to recount. His eyes welled with tears and I immediately regretted the question and cursed myself quietly. Why did I have to add to his pain! But I also knew that there was a reason for my question. “So what did you do then?”, I heard myself asking. “How did you manage back then to deal with such a terrible situation?”
“I left my home as soon as I could and I found a new community. I connected with a group of people who wanted to save the world from corruption” he smiled. I worked so hard and we actually succeeded to change a certain law in my country.” My heart knew that I had found the light, the hint, the path forward.
Much had changed for him in 30 years. Then he was a young man, now he was a grown up person. At 18 he had loved the idea of making the world a better place. He fought for it, he invested in it and he believed in it. He met a group of people who shared this idea and passion with him and he grew to love them too. It was his ticket out of his childhood prison – he managed to take his own suffering and transform it by choosing to give back to others.
On hearing this I knew I had a way forward – I knew that what had saved him back then, could also save him now. “Which project are you involved with at the moment? Are you investing your time into anything in particular?” I asked him. He hesitated before he replied. “I’m afraid that if I invest any of my energy in a project which is not focused on my healing, I’ll be left with no energy at all”. His eyes were downcast as he said this and it was as if a light went out as he spoke.
In my experience it is not necessarily loving somebody that heals us, although this happens as well. But when we love something, love an idea, have love for the values we believe in, our heart finds its way towards self-healing and towards miracles we could not imagine would happen. Love heals.
“Can we try something just once?” I asked him. I wasn’t sure myself if it was a good idea, but I saw the light in his eyes when he had talked about belonging to that movement, when he talked about their ideas, what they believed in and the way they had succeeded after so much hard work to change the system even just a little bit- this became my guiding force toward where I thought healing could take place.
My hands were on his chest. I could feel the passionate young man in front of me under his painful muscles. I became clear that the ideas he had fought for back then had touched him, and that belonging to people who wanted to create a positive change in the world had a powerful effect on him. I could see how much he loved what he had belonged to and the impact that had had on him. It had been his way to deal with the hurt he carried from what had happened in his childhood.
I asked him to breathe, to expand, to feel my hands, to feel his body. I also asked him to tell me which movement he would join today, if he felt that he had the energy for it. He quickly started to talk about it – he didn’t know names of any specific groups, but he knew exactly what he would wish to change, to give, to contribute.
The effect was immediate. His heart under my hands started beating faster, the color returned to his face, tears fell from his eyes, but this time they were of happiness and gratitude. ‘Continue breathing’ I reminded him, while my hands showed him where to focus his breath.
At the end of the session, his eyes were soft and shining. His posture was straighter and he didn’t feel his usual pain. I didn’t have to tell him that we hadn’t cured his illness – he knew that. I didn’t have to tell him that the physical pain will probably come back soon. He knew that also. But he had reconnected to his love again. Through the process, he had rediscovered his heartbeat and the truth that he was not done investing in life. He realised that life was not just something that passed by, to carry us from one day to the next.
In discovering what it was he loved, he rediscovered his life. He realized that through all of those ideas he valued and those people who invested in making the world a better place there was a future, a reason, a purpose. There was once again love.