Laura and Paul, Pantarei Approach Clients
True connection and awareness
Earlier this month, Marita Nienstedt was portrayed in our blog. She not only gives one-on-one sessions, but also offers Pantarei Approach sessions to couples. She describes the sessions as a space where couples can meet themselves again, in a totally new way. Her couple sessions are focused on learning about the uniqueness of the other person in the relationship, and on true connection. Marita says, “The couples that come to me really want a change in their relationship. They wish to develop a healthy and caring relationship. And I want to help them to be brave enough to go through their struggles.”
Marita finds that the most intense part is when the session moves from being a discussion, to being hands-on. The couples learn to feel themselves and each other with more awareness. The sessions enable the couples to reconnect and open their hearts again. “It opens a space for true connection and awareness”, says Marita.
In this article, one of the couples Marita works with shares their experience of the Pantarei Approach. Laura and Paul, both in their forties, live together with their 7 year old daughter, in Berlin. Laura has always explored new ways of living a good life. She is a passionate mom, who has always been interested in different forms of communication. Paul is a musician and has also worked as a composer. He is often involved in exciting projects. Spending time with his family is important to him.
What motivated you to get Pantarei Approach Sessions, and especially couple sessions, from Marita Nienstedt?
Laura answers: “At first I took individual sessions with Marita. I wasn’t doing so well at the time. After a while she invited Paul and I to come as a couple. We have been a couple for 17 years. The first 10 years were easy. We enjoyed life and in a way, we didn’t really need to work on our relationship. We just flowed through life. This changed with the birth of our daughter. At the same time Paul’s work became increasingly busy and everything became more difficult as a couple. We fought more, and since then it’s just not as nice as it used to be. We knew we needed help. And then Marita came into our lives. And that has been so great for us. We are both still pleasantly surprised.”
Before they started their Pantarei process as a couple, Paul also went to a few private one-to-one sessions. He says, “I found the individual sessions very good, and Marita makes it very easy and inviting to come to her.” He explains, “Any kind of couple therapy is actually about giving people more freedom to make decisions. This can of course go in one of two directions. In one case, it can allow people to step out of an unhealthy bond and ultimately be able to break away. Alternatively, it can allow them to re-establish their relationship. Fortunately, the latter is our case, and I find integrating the body very suitable.”
How does Marita work with you as a couple?
“In terms of structure, a session with us as a couple does not really differ from the individual sessions as I experienced them. There is a kind of initial conversation. The interesting thing for me is that Marita almost immediately picks up on a relevant topic and then the conversation is basically carried on through touch. It is amazing what kind of reactions between us as a couple on the physical level are conveyed and how we can learn from this. Marita works with each of us at a time, while the other person sits alongside and watches. We worked a lot with the breath. By exploring the breath, we have been able to connect to the emotions and feelings that have come up” Laura describes.
Opening new spaces for connection and awareness
After the very first session Laura and Paul describe that they already felt so much closer to each other again. Both of them were totally amazed and could hardly believe the positive and immediate effect the session had. Being connected to their individual uniqueness helped them see each other in a different light again. Paul says, “We were able to leave small everyday irritations, tensions and misunderstandings behind us. We could see each other as individuals with different needs again. This opened a new space for true connection and awareness.”
And what is special about the Pantarei Approach for you?
“It was very special that just one session had such as big impact. We found that the session opened up a space where we could meet each other with an open heart again. And this made it possible for things to change. For months now, we had notice how difficult it was for us to really get out of old patterns or away from topics that had repeatedly led to arguments. We were suddenly able to leave all that behind.”
Paul adds, “The most interesting thing for me was, that at one point, the topics we talked about in the beginning weren’t directly deepened linguistically or cognitively — it was through the experience of our bodies and the breathing. By breathing more consciously, while looking into each other’s eyes, certain things simply became possible again. We were able to reconnect”.
Laura finds it great how fair Marita is. “She manages to create the same space for both of us, where both can really be heard.” Laura laughs and says, “Sometimes we argued a lot, but each of us was allowed to talk about their view on things and that alone was so helpful. And I really want to add that there has been a big change of perspective.
What has changed in your life as a result of your sessions?
Paul describes that Marita does little exercises with them, which they can also do at home. These help them to see each other fully and with more respect again. These body-based exercises teach us to perceive ourselves and our partners as the unique individuals that we are. The exercises open up the space for mindful communication. Paul says, “The first session in particular was a landslide-like change that deepened in all subsequent sessions. All the sessions so far have been great, but this first one in particular, was a very big gift for me.”
They look at each other with a warm smile.
By Lena Zinser 