Why Do We Call It Falling in Love?
Many things can be said about falling in love – about the power of love, how it finds us, motivates us, drives us, make us a better version of who we are, or inspires us to grow beyond ourselves. Whether it is for a partner, our family, a project or our work – love is a concept too big to be put into words.
But there is one question that I have had for quite some time with regard to love, and that is, why do we call it ‘falling in love’? Of all the words we can choose to describe what happens when love touches us and we find it, to use the word ‘fall’ strikes me as odd.
People describe falling as something that happens by accident, without intention and without paying attention to it. Normally it isn’t something that leads to luck, fulfilment and the greater good, but to pain, some bruises and the sensation of failure. Is it so difficult for us to be open for love, because it demands some falling, or is it the acceptance of that which is not in our control that we are falling for?
I tried for some time to exchange the phrase ‘falling in love’ with other words, like ‘jumping into love’. It gave me the feeling that I can do it any time I wish and I can choose when and where to jump too, but it doesn’t describe the sensation of being touched by love. I tried to exchange falling with the word flying – again in order to have some positive association with it, but to say ‘flying in love’ just sounds weird. I tried the word gliding, and even swimming, walking or running, but none of them came as close in describing the act of what is truly happening – falling in love.
When we are falling in love, there is no way back – to ‘unfall’. We are either in love or not but there is nothing in between. If we glide into something, we can always glide out. I can swim halfway – but not with love. With love there is no halfway. Often we find ourselves falling in love – with a person, our work, an idea – and the love can feel uncertain. We might wonder if this is wise and plan our escape, but once love has happened you cannot undo it.
So falling in love, is actually quite a fitting description about what is happening. There is a fall but not one that always ends with injury! With love it is a fall that can connect me back to myself and the world. I fall into a new depth of myself, regardless of whether happiness or heartbreak is the end result. One of the beauties of this fall is that it never seems to stop surprising me, the experience of it as well as the person or things or idea that I’m falling in love with.
Connecting the words ‘love’ and ‘falling’, allowed me to look at the falls in life and my failings with a more ‘loving’ eye. Maybe our openness and our willingness to fall determines how much love comes into our lives.
In realising that I am longing for that fall, I trained myself in falling. Each day I stand at the foot of my bed and let myself fall backwards, softly onto the covers. I know where I will land, but the act of falling becomes natural through this process. By enjoying the fall, my life is able to be full of love and now I take this fall as pleasure.