A Cocktail Bar of Mixed Emotions

In one of the last classes I taught, I found myself saying that if I had a bar, it would have to be a cocktail bar; a cocktail bar of mixed emotions. It would have to be a place where some sour is mixed with some sweet, some bitter with some lemon.

Happiness comes in different sizes

Happiness is great, but if all we ever felt was happy, it’s likely we wouldn’t know what it actually means anymore. Having a range of emotions and noticing how our emotions are mixed is important to our health, and creates the richness and depth that any real connection between people requires.

However, while teaching our somatic therapy it wasn´t only the range of emotions that I related to when I thought of a cocktail bar. I also thought of the ability to feel different emotions at the same time. This is something that is quite outstanding in the sessions that we, as somatic Pantarei practitioners, give. When a client has a safe place to experience, for example their helplessness, they might notice that desire exists there too.

Every Pantarei process touches clients´ emotions – how can it not? Every significant moment in our life is intertwined with our emotional world, and a one-to-one session clearly touches the emotional aspect of the person who has come for a session. One of the concepts we teach in our studies is that emotions come with their friends. It is rare to be only sad, or only happy. It is rare, if at all possible, for someone to be only frustrated. We humans, feel a range of emotions, and they don’t come in chronological order, one after the other.

Dealing with grief

Imagine a woman in her forties who came to deal with the death of her husband, the beloved father of her children. If I asked you about the feelings this woman must be experiencing, you would most probably answer me in just the same way as our students in class answer. You’d tell me about her sadness, the heart ache, and the devastation that she’s probably experiencing. There is no doubt that all of those feelings are there. But what if I asked you for more. What other emotions can you imagine she must be experiencing during that time?

One of the values of the Pantarei Approach is to lead our clients with an empowered learning approach. When taking the example of this client, we would think of how we could translate her sadness in a way that can empower her? Naturally, at least one of the students will point out that the mere fact of being touched in a session and being in a place in which she can truly allow her sadness to be, and have a place where she can safely allow to let her sadness be, is already empowering for her. To know that you can breathe, let go, and be there with someone else, allowing the heart to cry, provides a great source of strength, and is very much needed in the process to digest what we feel.

The impact of combining dialog and touch

The Pantarei approach uses touch, and the combination of touch and verbal communication, which can be really powerful. Through this, we can also allow ourselves to enter more freely into the world of experiencing. And when we experience, there is more than one emotion that is felt. If you pay attention to yourself right now and ask yourself “how do I feel?” you will notice the richness of experiencing. You might feel tired but also happy; you might feel that you are frustrated and yet very determined, and so on. As human beings we are capable of feeling many things together and as we don’t make an effort to prioritize one over the other, we can be amazed at the power of those combinations.

The simplicity of complex emotions

Let’s go back to our client who lost her partner. When I continued to ask the class about the way she probably felt, there was a moment of silence. They were empathically thinking,  reflecting,  daring whether to say something. “She can probably feel in her how emotions are mixed. She can feel all the love she had and still feels towards him”, “maybe it is the happiness of having their children”, “she is confident in her ability to love and be loved”, “she has clear priorities in life and she takes things in proportions”.

The woman in question, was in the class, and she listened curiously to our discussion that involved how she could live well in her emotional world. The session she received in front of the class as a demonstration touched on all of these mixed emotions she was experiencing. The session included great pain that hardly left a dry eye in the room, but it was also full of happiness and optimism, that made us all smile. We touched on her experience of loving that man, and the knowledge that this love is there to stay forever. We all took air in when she inhaled, and allowed ourselves to let go when she exhaled. We laughed and we cried, we were thankful and frustrated. It was an hour filled with the power of the human spirit. 

The ability to access many different feelings

When we teach about dealing with emotions, we teach practitioners to let their clients notice their own strengths. We encourage them to feel the strength of allowing vulnerability, and the courage of being. We know that even confronting death and experiencing grief can be an awakening experience to a fuller life. Practitioners understand that one of the greatest advantages of working with the body, and with touch is our ability to instantly access so many different feelings. By doing this we give the client the bigger picture; a picture that allows them to navigate their own way in life, and steer their own emotional world in whatever direction they desire.

If you haven’t tried out a session yet, visit our practitioners page for someone in your area.

By Vered Manasse