Why doesn’t Self-Development Work?

I have always wished to make a difference in the world and, ultimately, to make it a better place. Such big aspirations have both motivated and drowned me at times.

Many great teachers claim that any transformation has to revolve around transforming the self. Exclusively. And for almost thirty years, I tried doing and teaching exactly that, only to realize that PERSONAL CHANGE IS BIGGER THAN THE SELF.

There are almost 8 billion people on this planet, and within each of us, so much wisdom is to be found. Becoming a ‘better’ person doesn’t have to start with connecting only with ourselves, but by connecting with others too. A sole focus on ourselves and our own development as the platform from which a bigger change should take place lacks the humility to realize that we cannot even really know how the world ‘should be.’

Just yesterday, I watched a recording of a rather successful somatic therapist lecture with conviction on the subject of self-development. He emphasized the importance of becoming more confident, focused and powerful in order to achieve the goals we set for ourselves, becoming high performers and successful in living the life we desire. He claimed that if we invested more in being in the here and now, we would be able to connect to our immense inner power and become unstoppable.

Is personal power a real asset to society?

But is personal power alone a real asset to society? I followed teachers who made similar claims and taught that individual high performance was the goal of self-development. There was a time when I, too, would have been convinced by such passion and vision.

And today, I often hear from my clients that they wish for a certain inner power: to connect to the ‘here and now’ and find a guide to help them through their personal challenges.

When self-development practices become more of a burden than a help

I once had a client who came to me expressing that she wanted to find ‘balance’ amidst the chaos in her life. She listed all the different self-development practices she tried to fit into her weekly routine, including meditation, yoga, journaling, psychotherapy, and now Pantarei Approach sessions with me. She talked about how much effort she put into making time for these practices, but she still felt that she was falling behind in life and not performing to her capacity. In addition, she felt guilty for not being focused enough to even do most of her practices.

When I asked her about what was going on in her life, she told me her mother was struggling with a serious mental illness that had escalated in recent years, and they were confronted with the option of putting her into a full-time care facility. If that wasn’t challenging enough, her daughter was having difficulties at school and needed more support than she could give. She, on the other hand, was still juggling the demands of a full-time job and often had to work on weekends to keep up. It was no surprise to me that she didn’t manage her self-development practices and that they became more of a burden than a help.

Finding a path as unique as you are

Instead of focusing our sessions on the goal of managing all these aspects of her life through finding some kind of “balance” and adding more demands on her schedule for her to detach from her life, I encouraged her to face the chaos with empathy and even curiosity. I asked her and her body many questions, and we found a path that was uniquely hers and uniquely fitting to that moment of her life. It wasn’t based on her expressing her personal power or sticking to a rigid protocol for personal development but on her ability to tune in and truly listen to herself as well as the other people involved in her life.

It’s not just about the SELF

My client was proud, she admitted, of how she was then able to handle the crisis. Was it messy? Yes. Was it easy? Definitely not. However, she was able to create a space to be there for her daughter; to connect to her mother in such a way as to facilitate the transition into a care facility in the best way possible. The space that she needed for herself opened up for her, even while she was giving so much of her attention to the people around her.

Self-development should not only be about searching for your own power from within. Personal growth alone is not enough to change the world for the better. Being in the ‘here and now’ does not automatically make you a better human being, more capable of meaningful engagement and interaction. Ultimately, becoming a powerful person who will achieve your aims does not necessarily make you an asset to society.

Why Pantarei?

In the Pantarei Approach, we teach people to become more of who they are because we believe that you, just like any other person, are unique. You have answers to your life that fit you, just like others have answers that match them at any given moment. In order to access your inner wisdom, you have to connect and listen to those parts of you that are challenging to reach. This process of listening, connecting, and realizing that there is only one person like you, allows you to recognize that everyone is different. Everyone’s characteristics, needs, wishes, and lives are different. And knowing this, opens the space for more compassion, both towards yourself and others.

Let’s make the world a better place – together

The Pantarei Approach is a move away from any given dogma. It explores how you can connect with the world. It reminds you that you don’t live in isolation, that everything is connected and, therefore, of value to your well-being. You will touch and develop powerful places within you just as you will touch elements you might consider ‘weak’. You will feel your core and purpose, just as you would notice it in others. Self-development cannot only be about the self. It cannot be only about harnessing your powers. It is just as much about others and the relationships we have with the world around us. Let’s use that awareness to make the world a better place – together.

Do you have big dreams? Do you want to have a positive impact on your surroundings, your family, your community, or even society at large? What advice have you heard along the way, both useful and less so?

We will discuss this topic with our community on social media all month. Check out our Instagram posts to engage with Pantarei Approach practitioners, clients, and those interested in how somatic healing can positively impact people’s lives and the world around us.

Join us for our IG Lives to connect with the co-founders and ask them your questions. And sign up for our next Introductory Meeting on Saturday, the 20th of May.

Written by Claudia Glowik, Co-Founder of the Pantarei Approach.