Don’t let social distancing get under your skin

We are all aware of our need to breathe, sleep, eat and drink. On the other hand, we can so easily overlook our need to touch and be touched. The importance of touch is one of the first things I teach students in our training program. In class, I remind them that touch is one of the most basic as well as essential forms of contact between ourselves and our surroundings.

Losing our inner compass

This year, the Corona-virus has made us all aware of a new term: “social distancing“. And it has become something we all try to maintain. For those of us who live alone, the need for physical contact might have felt much stronger in recent months. However, this experience of lack of touch has been shared by many. I have heard, from both clients as well as students, about feelings of helplessness, or of being lost. People described the sensation as if their inner compass has disappeared. The clarity they once had, is no longer there.

While listening to them, and to my own experiences, I was once again reminded of how important touch is, in our ability to be in contact with ourselves and our surrounding. Touch, and the awareness of our own skin is meaningful. It gives us something like GPS Coordinates of who we are.

Touch, to connect to our own presence

Feeling our own skin, and that of others, emphasizes our own borders and identity. We can feel where our body ends, even if our being is naturally much larger than our physical envelope. When someone touches us, we feel our presence and sense our own existence. Whereas, when we lack physical contact, the experience for many is similar to the lack of sunlight.

A client of mine, a 54-year-old architect and mother of 2 kids, recently described how puzzled she felt by her experience. I know her as a woman who is very aware of her physical sensations and the processes she has gone through in her life.

“Something feels off, but I’m not able to grasp what it is. The Coronavirus situation didn’t shake my family life, yet I feel confused. We live in our home and could continue being very close to each other, maybe even more than ever. And yet I feel distanced.”

This client lives in Berlin, a city in which much of our everyday life is no longer so strongly affected by the virus. “I continue to meet my friends and we have family get-togethers with my closest friends. So why do I feel that I’m not well? Why am I not getting better?”

Touch, in a session

As her practitioner, I allowed my curiosity to lead me. We talked about her daily problems and I found myself sharing her observations. She seemed to manage to the best of her ability and yet, the feeling of helplessness and isolation was there. I followed what I would tell my students and asked her to lie down on my massage table. Laying my hands on her chest, I asked her to breathe towards them. By doing so, I gave her a sense of herself, her breathing, and her heart.

Her body immediately responded in relief. It was clear that it was not her first session, and she knew how to use my hands and my touch. There was a visible shift when the tension that she held in her upper body, dropped. Her breathing became deeper and fuller. It became clear that she found her way to expand with each breath she took.  My hands continued to explore different areas of her body, staying in places that for me clearly asked for more touch. And when they got it, I saw how easily her whole being signed in relief.

Social distancing got under my skin

Just 20 minutes into the session, she suddenly announced with a passionate clarity, “Social distancing got under my skin and entered into our family and home without me even noticing.” Her body was trembling. “That’s why I feel so unhinged”.

She then realized that she had invested a tremendous amount of effort into training herself and her children to protect themselves and our society, by keeping the recommended distance from others. She did all that she was required to do as a person and as a mother. And, without being aware of it, social distancing had became an integral part of her system.

Blowing kisses

With all this effort, she did not even notice that the 1,5 meter rule, that was enforced by the German government, was not only kept outside in public, but that she had continued this habit even in her own home; with her own family. Her kids had stopped giving her the short, yet blissful hugs when they interacted. They had all started to blow kisses in the air, and this included her partner. She suddenly realized that the usual arguments about who would sit where on the sofa in front of the TV, had ended. Everybody had their designated spot, and stopped squeezing together as they used to do.

At the end of our session, when we said our goodbyes, she asked me if it would be okay to hug me. I knew that this was exactly what would happen in her own home when she returned. I could almost feel her excitement of meeting her kids again, squeezing them in her arms, whether they wanted it or not. My own child got one of those bear hugs when I came home that day.

This session encouraged me to take a closer look at my own life, with the added awareness that social distancing does not stop on it’s own once we are in our “safe space”. It can sneak into all areas of our lives and make itself at home. I thus promised myself not to let social distancing get under my skin.

We can all live with less contact, we can all live with less touch, but we don’t live well in this state. Receiving less of a basic need is never healthy. So, while social distancing is still requiered in public, we can pay attention so as not to let these rules become part of our safe spaces, with our inner circle of friends and family.

Bring back touch

I can whole-heartedly recommend bringing back touch, communication, and interaction with others in your safe spaces. Let this benefit your health, and the health of the people around you.

It might even encourage you to be in touch even more now than before the Corona times. Fill up your basic need of feeling the sensations of your own skin. Be aware of where it begins and where it ends. It is sure to help you find yourself, and will allow you to navigate better through any challenge.

While there are many tips out there on how to get through these Corona times, I feel that this one most definitely understated. Please share this blog post, and the message that we all need to be in touch; that humans are naturally drawn to social interaction, and that we can all take care to nourish being in touch, especially at home and in safe surroundings.  Don’t let social distancing get under your skin.

By Claudia Glowik