Embracing Humanity: The Power of Presence in Times of Tragedy

If you’ve ever experienced a tragedy or loss, you’ve probably also been surprised by how support from a community can come from even the smallest of interactions. Someone expressing sympathy, and understanding, or just asking how you’re doing can already make you feel less alone. These interactions can happen in passing or they can extend on for hours over the course of a morning or over afternoon tea. Sometimes, the greatest support comes from people who have never experienced what you have been through and who can’t offer any answers or advice. The person simply expressing that they care is enough. These moments between humans may seem insignificant in comparison to the magnitude of the tragic event in question, but they are much more than that. These moments of human connection are stepping stones to how we manage the unmanageable.“Disbelief, shock, desperation, and pain are what we have felt since the morning of Saturday, the 7th of October, following the horrible events that continue to take place in Israel — the home country of Vered, Merav, and Claudia’s partner, Eylam. A country where our family, friends, and students live and are processing the loss of their loved ones, murdered, injured, or kidnapped.” This is how we started our recent newsletter to our community of students and practitioners, four days after the attacks started. Since then, the news and information from that corner of the world have not stopped, followed by many questions without answers, concerns, and tears.

Empathic listening and presence

At the beginning of every Pantarei Approach session, we listen to our clients to get to know them, to see them, and to understand their pain and what they wish to change. It takes training to trust that this empathic listening, and the acknowledgment of what hurts, needs to be there before any constructive change can happen.

We know that listening and being present is the first step toward healing. We believe that when someone holds the space for our emotions, asks questions, and is able to direct us back to our unique qualities and our power, we can feel safe enough to share, and we can begin to see the light within the darkness.

The unbreakable human spirit

One of the things that impresses us most when we give Pantarei Approach sessions is to see how much stronger the human spirit is than we can comprehend. The lungs have to breathe, and the food has to be prepared; the spirit looks for ways to support others, be it through the smallest gesture to say: “I am here for you”. We are touched to see how people continue to find a way to support each other, love each other, and show up for healing during these complex and tragic times.

For people who are not in those areas of conflict, where their immediate reality is affected, it is very tempting to find a modus operandi for business as usual. It is understandable that we often wish to avoid the seemingly unsolvable problems and horror we see in the news.

Extending a hand in time of crisis

It is understandable that you would rather talk about the beauty of the autumn leaves rather than war without an apparent end. We imagine that you, just like all of us, hope for peace and condemn war, yet what can you do when violence and aggression are part of the reality of the people close to you? Do you hold your breath when meeting your neighbor who you know has family in that area? Are you asking questions? Are you frantically watching the news, trying to follow?

You might think that you need to be more informed, have the right words to say, or that you need a clear political standpoint or solution to offer. If something like that holds you back from reaching out to people in your community, please remember to focus on the person you know, your friend or neighbor. They don’t need an answer; they need your care. They need your acknowledgment, empathy, and a reminder of what it is to be human, to be seen. Pantarei practitioners devote considerable time to developing the ability to be present with other people, truly curious and open to their complexity, joy, pain, hope, and the power that can spring from their deepest wounds. These are the skills that are needed during times like these.

You do not need to be a trained Pantarei Approach practitioner to be able to engage in this way. It does not mean lengthy discussions. It means to notice your neighbor, friend, or colleague who might be affected and ask them how they are doing. It is not your knowledge of the situation that is in demand; it is your heart, your questions, and your willingness to be with somebody in a painful place.

Offering care, not a solution

We hear from people that they are worried about making things worse by bringing up a painful topic or by potentially creating an uncomfortable situation by invading somebody’s privacy or saying the wrong thing. We are here to remind you that your humanity and care are needed. The beauty is that you can do little wrong in showing up and being there for someone. Trauma and tragedy are not over in one day or soothed in one conversation. If we want the people in our lives to know that they are not alone, we need to repeatedly remind them and stay curious about what they are experiencing from one day to the next.

Over this last week, we have witnessed so many friends, acquaintances, and neighbors practicing these human acts of kindness that we can clearly state how important it is and how much it helps even when everything seems so dark. Just imagine then how much this kind of engagement can help in other situations that are less bleak. This time, we call out to you to practice your ability to be with the people who touch your lives. To be there in their pain, in their moments of despair.

Fostering connection for a better world

Let us all remember our humanity and the humanity of the people in our lives. Let us remember that each of us is taking part in the creation of a better society when we pay attention, hold space, and are curious about the experiences and processes of the people we encounter. The Pantarei Approach is not an answer but an approach, a way of being, a decision to approach the people and situations you find yourself with and in with curiosity, hope, and above all, presence.

By Claudia Glowik, Vered Manasse and Merav Gur Arie