The Connection Point In Trauma – Where Were You On 9/11?

Traumas and complex stories create connections. Typically, we wish to connect over the good times we share. However, the bonds formed through the difficult moments can actually leave us feeling very much united.

So, where were you on 9/11? This is a question that I find myself asking every year. And it is a question I am often asked, yet never tire of answering. Every year I view what happened from a new angle and seem to be able to recall more moments surrounding this shocking event. At the same time, it seems that with every passing year, another part of the healing process is completed. The shared trauma connects us, and the resulting process of healing, makes us feel a little like friends sharing experiences about something we all went through together.

The Television shows the old images, and still now, even 20 years later, I find myself shocked by the evil that could lead to such an attack. I am left mystified by all the missing information that might even have prevented the atrocity from happening. And I am touched by the fear, the horror, and the hope. If I watch the news reports with friends, we all start to tell our stories. Where were you on 9/11? The memory connects us even if we were in different places, different cities, even countries.

Both traumas and healing connect us

Traumas connect us. And if we find our way to heal from them, the process of healing connects us in a positive way. When I think about the deeper connections I have with people in my life, the difficult moments that we went through form part of what glues us together. The things we managed to go through, and even the things that we are still overcoming strengthen our bond.

The shared and painful stories can also remind us of how strong we are, both as individuals and as a society. The strength we feel might have been accompanied by many tears and restless nights, by vulnerable souls, and moments of unbearable emotion. And yet it is a strength. When the trauma and the healing are shared, we notice that there is a force that leads us to want to live and survive, to sing songs of hope even in the shadow of great horror.

The hidden treasure

I see it with the clients I work with – the process that allows the trauma to heal is one of the most transformative ones that exist. I never stop being in awe when I accompany a client to realize that their story so full of pain and fear can also be a treasure that leads them to their hearts and into the hearts of others. When somebody tells me about their painful past, I see their willpower, the strength in their scars, and their love for life.

Let me assure you, this is not how those clients perceive themselves at those moments, and yet, this is what they express with their unseen scars. People who went through the horror of 9/11 carry both their traumas and their force of life. When you ask someone: “Where were you on 9/11?”, you are also asking them to notice how strong human beings are. You are asking them about their experiences since that horrible event, and you are asking them to hold space for all of what has happened to them over the past 20 years and to realize how very resilient they are.

The importance of reflecting back on your trauma

Ask yourself the question of where you were on 9/11 and let the answers come. Then ask again and let the answers come again. Notice how your answers tell a story of the last 20 years, and also of the years before that event. When we can reflect back on our traumas, we can notice things that we could not have known at the time. And when the trauma is shared by many, we find that many of their stories become part of our own story.

If you ask me: where were you on 9/11? Well, I was in Tel-Aviv. I was 30, and I was teaching a class of students. The Internet didn’t exist then as it does today, and the news started to come in slowly. I remember the panic that started to grow inside me. People’s faces showed their shock and fear. Some of the students had relatives in NY and the phone lines were all down so they couldn’t reach out to find out more. It felt as if nobody knew what it all meant.

I was prepared for many situations that could arise while teaching, but this was not one of them. I remember that I collected the class together, and said that we cannot control what is happening. That there was nothing that we could do to change the situation. We could only change how we experienced it. We needed to allow the fear to flow, and find the space to breathe. And we could go through it together.

Connecting to the body

I knew that if we listened to the reports that started coming in, we wouldn’t be able to concentrate anymore. So, I did what I could back then. I related to the fear we all experienced and guided the group to allow it to flow in our bodies, thus preventing it from becoming a traumatic moment. The lesson continued. I did my best to guide the class, just as I needed to guide myself. Fortunately, teaching a somatic profession provides us teachers with many moments in which we lead people to breathe, to connect to their own body, and to their inner wisdom, that knows how to deal with fear.

It was only later in the evening that I was exposed to the pictures and the footage of the airplanes crashing into the Twin Towers. It was only later that I could allow myself to fully let go. I went to stay with friends, and I watched the footage over and over again, realizing that I was watching the world change. I can still remember the feeling of horror, broken hearts mixed with hope, friendship, and the power of life.

Healing process

The healing process has been long, and it has taught us so much. We have been confronted with so many parts of ourselves that we had previously been unaware of. A trauma shared by many reminds us that we are not alone and that we are not the only ones who go through difficult times. We share the traumatic event with many others. We realize that when something like this happens, we are all affected, and we have to reach out to each other, in order to connect, share and eventually come out stronger than before.

So, where were you on 9/11?

 

Written by Vered Manasse, co-founder of the Pantarei Approach