The Cycle of Healing

Are you aware that your healing happens in cycles?

Did you know that when you get hurt, your body does everything in its power to heal itself?  This is just as true on an emotional level, as it is on the physical. The cycle of healing is set in motion, whether you do something to encourage it intentionally, or not.

Your body is constantly working towards balance. It endeavours to renew itself and become whole again. At times, we join these processes actively, while at other times they happen in the background while we stay busy living our lives.

Sometimes, when we’ve been hurt so much, for so long and we are left feeling overwhelmed, the cycle of healing prioritizes the most urgent matter. Other aspects are put aside for a later date. However, as soon as we are strong enough to gather our resources, other aspects are addressed in our cycle of healing, and we feel the progress in our path towards recovery.

When life’s most powerful experiences require healing

5 years ago, in March 2016, I gave birth. My pregnancy was sheer bliss, and I expected a smooth delivery. How little did I know? When my water broke, I looked forward to the experience of giving birth.

What started with a sense of ease and excitement in anticipation of a natural birth, took a sudden u-turn, and I ended up needing a caesarean in hospital 10 days later. I had my newborn son, yes. However, I was on a hormonal roller-coaster and in so much discomfort after having had my lower belly cut open. There was also no time to deal well with all the aspects of what needed to heal. And once home, there were so many more urgent matters to take care of.

The cycle of healing began, yet I felt far removed from it. My own energy sources were depleted, and there was only so much that could be done at the time. Until this day, I believe that some parts of my cycle of healing have not yet found their time to commence.

Healing needs time, energy, and our resources. Some parts of our cycle of healing can happen in parallel, while others wait for the right conditions before they get going.

Running my cycle

Since giving birth 5 years ago, the scar from my caesarean starts hurting around this time every year. This pain is accompanied by the sensation of feeling off-balance. My first response when it starts, is to think: What have I done wrong to have this pain again? Did I lift something too heavy? Did I overstretch the scar? My mind runs through the previous days, looking for a logical explanation that could justify the pain.

In parallel, I am left feeling annoyed and frustrated. Seriously? Again this scar that just does not leave me alone? It’s been 5 years and I’m still not done with this cycle of healing? And so it continues.

Symptoms as a sign of recovery

It always takes me some moments to realize that my symptoms are a sign of yet another step in my recovery, and are not necessarily connected to something that I did wrong. Nor do they indicate that I did not take good enough care of myself. Instead, they are a sign that I have collected some more strength and resources that enable my cycle of healing to continue and make itself known to me.

My symptoms are a part of my cycle of healing. I know that now. They are the way in which my body shows me that it’s time to heal some more. If I want to actively join my healing processes again, I need to acknowledge and feel that something needs healing.

As uncomfortable as the experience might be, it paves the way for greater recovery. Understanding this, allows us to be more compassionate toward ourselves, our body and the healing process. So even if my healing turns out to be a never-ending process, I prefer to see it as a chance to claim back parts of myself. And knowing this has already changed how well I can deal with those difficulties.

Embracing the cycle of healing with curiosity

So here I am again at my next cycle of healing. And I have decided to embrace it with curiosity. What will my next step in my recovery be this time around? Which parts are ready to heal?

Doing this, softens the pain in my lower belly. Yet, at the same time, also brings back the memories more vividly. And with the memories, come strong emotions. While I was not able to experience them fully over the last 5 years, it seems I am now.

I remember the days I spent at the hospital. Along with my family, a dedicated team of doctors, and my midwife we would start every day trying to come up with ideas on what would get my contractions going. I tried every type of medication that induces contractions, but for some unknown reason, mine were nowhere to be found.

Every day started with the question of what to do. What is best for the child? What more can we try? Every day I needed to make decisions, that not only had an impact on my own health and wellbeing but on that of my unborn baby boy.

Where did I get the strength to trust myself and to pursue all alternatives to what appeared as the easy solution: the C-section?  And that was really not an option for me until all else had failed.

Finding the strength to pull through

In the end, the caesarean was the only way. And even then I continued asking the doctors and the hospital to find ways of making the delivery more like the experience I so wished to have. In the end, they allowed me to watch while they took my boy out of my belly. In the background, they played the playlist I had prepared for my natural birth. And the whole team was in great spirits to welcome my son into the world.  I remember holding on to that strength so tightly, with all that I had. There was no option of letting go. Not for myself, not for my son. Not for any of us.

There are many things I could not do in the days that followed the caesarean. One of them was to straighten up. I needed to protect the scar and my belly. Every time I got out of bed, or tried to stand, I went through a world of pain. I felt so weak and so disoriented. It made me forget how strong I had been over the previous days, weeks and months. I forgot how much I trusted my instinct and how true I was to myself.

My healing cycle is now a constant reminder for me of my ability to stand up; to trust myself and my choices. It brings me closer to who I was before, and clearly still am.

Actively joining your healing process

The reason I share my story is to remind you of your own healing cycle. Consider your symptoms and unwanted emotions as part of your cycle of healing. And join in actively to support your process.

I would love to know that I have been able to contribute to your cycle. Supporting you in changing an unpleasant experience into one that allows you to reclaim your power and more of yourself.

Joining our cycles of healing actively starts with acknowledging them and being willing to embrace them. This might not be so easy to do, especially if you are alone. Getting help and support in the process allows for a smoother transition between the difficulties that we experience and the strengths we can claim back.

In the Pantarei Approach we teach our clients to actively join their healing processes, to transform unwanted situations into ones that can enrich and strengthen them.

You probably know the feeling when you tell yourself: it’s one of those times again. I hope you will remember that it also means that you are ready to heal some more. And remember that our practitioners are happy to support you in your process.

When did you last experience that your healing cycle brought you closer to yourself and therefore, left you more empowered than before?