To Be Ourselves: Which Version Of ‘Myself’ Should I Be?
At the beginning of sessions, I usually say a few words about my point of view. I talk about our individualities, about the beauty of people being who they are and that each of us carries our own wisdom about ourselves. My job as a practitioner is to bring this knowledge to the surface, and to explore it together with them. I’m not there to tell them how to live their life, but rather to be the one that listens and acknowledges their uniqueness and challenges and through this awareness, supports them in their own path through life.
How Do We Define Ourselves?
“To be ourselves” is a phrase we hear so much. The question however is, how do we define ourselves, and is there only one possibility? This question is crucial when I choose how to relate to a person and how to lead sessions in a learning process. More often than not, people suggest various views about themselves when we start talking. I can steer the conversation in many directions – we can talk about their insecurities and we can talk about what inspires them. It’s all a choice.
A man who came to me for a few sessions was a dance teacher. He had many people that admired him and in his field, he was considered a success. Yet when he talked to me there were insecurities, doubts and questions about his future and concerns about his relationship. His body communicated happiness, excitement, curiosity but also those concerns and doubts.
Who was he – the creative dancer? The confident teacher? The insecure friend? The doubtful partner? With regard to moving forward, I could choose to focus on the great satisfaction he had when teaching people, or on the sensation of frustration he felt when he came home. Deciding which direction to take would lead our way.
What would you do? If somebody asked you to describe yourself, would you point out difficulties such as “I never found my passion in life”, would you describe yourself according to your job, “I’m an engineer”, or would you define yourself as what you love, “I have a passion for dance”? Is there only one possibility?
People come to get sessions from me when they need something and feel that I can support them in how to achieve their goals. They will often present to me what they consider to be their problem, and that’s okay, but my job is to listen beyond that, figuring out who are they, and not only what their current problems are.
Our Choices Influence the Journey
I have a choice about which position I listen from, and I know that this will create a change in the journey we will take. We all have our complexities – a mix of qualities and skills. We’ve been through different life experiences, and the way we relate to the question – ‘who am I’ will indicate choices we make, and the feelings we have while walking our path in life.
I encourage my clients to find the ability to focus on what gives them strength in their current challenge. This doesn’t mean that I would neglect parts that are unpleasant, but often the opposite. I would look with them for a way they can embrace all the different parts of what makes them who they are and then we would decide on their personal development together – which parts to emphasize on, and what will contribute the most for them and their dreams.
Magically when we succeed in connecting to our resources, and truly experience who we are, our uniqueness becomes clearer. Suddenly we see options, possibilities and new ways into ourselves that were hidden from us before.
And what about the dance teacher, you may ask?
In the sessions, we found ourselves almost dancing together through verbal communication, touch and movement. He found his unique way to address his concerns with his partner, expressing his worries and his love, his hidden wishes and the things he felt were worth fighting for. At the end of the session his eyes told a story, his movements expressed strength and softness and the flowers I received from his girlfriend the weekend after, put a big smile on my face.
